Winston Apple

WOULDN'T YOU LOVE TO BE A CELEBRITY

Lyrics and music by Winston Apple
Little Liza is nine years old, going on twenty-one
She sees celebrities getting all the attention 
It looks like a lotta fun
She’s got a training bra from Victoria’s Secret
She’s in training to be objectified and idolized in the Cult of Celebrity

Razor-thin beauties blessed with angelic faces
Are making the scene, trying to be seen in all the right places
They are in and out of rehab, in the tabloids and on TV
Their bad behavior chronicled for everyone to see

Wouldn’t you love to be a celebrity
With your photographs on the covers and in the pages of the magazines
You could strike seductive poses, with come hither looks that tease
You could drive the little boys crazy and bring grown men to their knees
You are the stuff that dreams are made of

Little Davy next door ain’t Davy no more - he’s Mo Def Doggy D
He’s not a gang-banger or a playa for real, but he sho do wanna be
He’s covered with tats, pierced to the max, he looks like he could be
A heavy metal rocker or a gangsta rapper with a crib as seen on MTV

Hard-rappin’ gangsters proudly lacking social graces
Strike menacing poses designed to match the scowls on their faces
They cuss and fuss, they love to fight
They run with girls who play with dynamite
They call them bitches, yes, and hos, but they mean it in a good way 

Wouldn’t you love to be a celebrity
One of the bad-ass boyz from da hood 
Who takes his street cred seriously
Showing off your guns and your bullet holes
Living the high life, bringing the bling, always outta control
There’s nothing quiet about your desperation

Lawdy Miss Clawdy is seventy-eight, that’s the new forty-five
She can pass for thirty-three and a third when she really, really tries 
If you tell her to act her age, she’ll act like she don’t know what you mean
She’s a vinyl girl in a CD world, wishing she was still Sweet Little Sixteen
 
Aging celebutantes with botulized faces
Have been nipped and tucked and liposucked 
To get curves where they used to have places
Trying to hold back the sands of time, time’s ravages can be so unkind
Clinging desperately to their fading fame
But they know it’s a young girl’s game

Wouldn’t you love to be a celebrity
Watching your life pass before your eyes on big screen, plasma, HD TVs
Worshiped and adored by those who live through you vicariously
You bring a tiny ray of sunshine to their dreary lives 
You give them hope, you are their inspiration
Wouldn’t you love to be a celebrity